Sortin’ My Life Out | Prologue
So no one told you life was gonna be this waaaaaay 🎶
Surprisingly enough, no. No one told me I’d be writing a blog series about trying to sort my life out at 25. I wanted to avoid talking about fresh starts, new beginnings, and rebirths, because nothing of the sort is going to be happening here. My body is still my body, my mind is still my mind, my history and career and past are all still there, and instead of dropping it all and starting with a clean slate, I’m going to be moulding my life into something that makes me happy, confident, and good.
I’m sortin’ my life out.
Growing up, I couldn’t wait to be a fully-fledged adult. I dreamt of owning my own house, never having to go to school again, and feeling independent and free. I was so eager to take on the responsibility of my own self that I couldn’t fathom why my parents would wish they were my age, or tell me I ‘had it easy’ (being a privileged child with absolutely no worries) when I had to deal with school and eating vegetables and only having Freeview instead of Sky like my next door neighbour.
By the time I was a teen, everything naturally fell into place. I was above average in my subjects, I was in a long-term relationship, I was physically fit (sort of), and had multiple groups of friends. I passed my exams, and then went to university and moved out. Things were a little rocky at first but I ended up falling in love over and over again with my degree, living without ‘adults’, but with friends that I adored, and was free to go to Tesco at 11pm in my PJs or go out clubbing three nights in a row.
And then, I was ready to take the next step in life. The next phase.
But….it didn’t come.
I was 21, with a degree in Creative Writing, and no one had told me what the next step was. So, with no money, I moved back in with my parents and got a low-paying job in a shop. For the first year, it didn’t seem so bad. I was earning, starting up my blog, and really enjoying books again. But a new feeling began to bubble to the surface; disappointment. This wasn’t what I envisioned myself doing after graduating uni. I thought I’d be still living with my friends, or new people, working in a full-time salaried job that would be beneficial to my career, not dealing with rude members of the public on £6.80 an hour. I was stuck. I couldn’t afford to move out, and my job meant I had no time to do work experience. And, because I didn’t have any experience, that places I wanted to work wouldn’t hire me.
So, I kept it going. It was the same as my teenage life, the only difference was I was leaving the house everyday for work rather than school. But the routine, my situation, was the same. Had I really regressed? Was this all the world had to offer me after I’d taken every necessary ‘step’ to win at life?
It got worse; I started to see people from school, people from previous phases in my life, fulfilling their dreams, succeeding in what I wanted to succeed in. What had they done that I didn’t? Had I missed a step?
Things went from bad to worse.
With changes at home and the strain of my job, my mental health began to suffer. I was anxious, down, and felt like I was floating through life without experiencing any of it. So, I left my job without another job waiting for me. I was officially unemployed and depressed. This point in my life was so dark, yet so necessary lest I made things worse. Nothing was important save my mental health, and so other aspects of my life began to suffer. My physical health, my career, my friendships, even my hobbies and interests. Working on your mental health when you feel everything around you is falling apart is like trying to move an immovable object. I had hit a wall. Thankfully, with the help of medication, a small, part time job (that I had to leave too because it also tried to kill me) and flinging myself back into blogging and reading, did the trick, and I crawled out of the darkness.
And now, I am here. Unemployed, over-weight, and still struggling with mental health. Wow, this got really sad, didn’t it? It turns out, ‘adulting’ is not what you think it is when you’re a kid, and learning that no one really knows what they’re doing makes all of this a little less lonely. There is no such thing as the correct way to do things when it comes to your life, but there are so many routes to take to at least make it healthy and happy.
In this series, I’m going to be documenting four large aspects of my life that need work, and will be sorting out over the year (and longer):
- Mental Health
- Physical Health
Each ‘chapter’ of the series will focus on one topic, and will either be an update on how things are going in that area, or general ramblings tied to the topic. They’ll also be random, otherwise we’ll all get bored. I want to be able to give tips the more I progress, as well as just share my experiences. Because while I do occasionally still feel alone in all of this, I know I’m not, and I hope this series will help some people.
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